The Other Part of Tango

Frederico acted as our interpreter and helper for the three visits to the shoemaker. Frederico is about thirty, the son of our friend. He is calm, thoughtful, and proud of his country. He feels that the shoemaker is a treasure, a man who is in his seventies, and is possibly the last of the fine craftsmen of his trade. On our last day we go to pick up the shoes. We return to the house to get our bags before going to the airport. Fredrico tells us he has some good beer all chilled and wants to have a farewell toast. We stand in the cool courtyard and drink to Buenos Aires, to our hosts, to a safe trip and to a return.

We have noticed that Frederico has not been at any of the milongas, just the parties that his mom has. We ask if he tangos. He says no, that he took some lessons once. He says that he loves "the other part of tango." We ask what he means. Here is what he says, more or less. " I love the music, I love to see how passionate people are. I see people like you, who come from far away for this. I see my mother and her friends and I can enjoy watching them. I love to see my friends who dance, and to visit with them. I noticed that I did not have the passion for the dance. Maybe someday." I think he was trying to describe the tango that is a way of life, or an attitude.

Lately I keep hearing about "how good" someone is. People talk about tango like it is a contest or something to be judged. A partner (someone I really like to dance with), said the first time we danced at a practica, "You're not a bad dancer..." and them more recently the same person said to me, "You're a pretty good dancer." I will accept the compliment however tentative, But, I would like to hear, " I love dancing with you." or "That was really nice." or "You are fun to dance with." Or maybe he could just smile. Not Bad, Pretty Good?

Life is so full of challenges. How to keep the money coming in, how to be good at our studies, our careers, all of the hoops we have to jump through. Be responsible, do well, achieve. I do want to be "good" at tango, but what does that mean? Some people who have visited Buenos Aires express surprise that everyone there is not a great dancer. Why should they be? They dance for fun, for a night out when they can. It is a way to go on a date, or to find love, or to have a really good time.

We, the nervous people from the North, tend to be pretty driven, competitive, exacting, and not all that warm. None of these traits are conducive to happy tango. Tango is a gift. Who expect that it has worked it's way all across the globe? We need to learn to receive the gifts of tango. The other part of tango, as Frederico would say.